Sacred Heart Thoughts
Today's Friday, which is a good day for me, I have a lot of freetime both at my internship and my job to putz around on the computer and add to this site (instead of, idk, actually doing my class work). But I really do like playing around on here even when different functions keep breaking every second. I'd like to start posting more serious stuff, but finding the time to write a proper blog post when my life is so busy, it's hard to say the least.
I do think it's important to speak your mind though, to let your voice out there. For the past few years I've really tried to subsume myself in others thoughts, to sponge up the wiser words of those around me- but now I think it's time for me to speak again. How? Who knows, but I guess I gotta try.
Sept. 13th, 2022
I'm back bitches!
A lot has happened in my life since my last post, but for now I'm back at school and things are good but stressful! I'm actually procrastinating getting dressed for a meeting with my supervisor by writing this haha, but I'm an RA again this year which is great. Although there's always drama in the department, and sometimes residents (especially the first-years I have now) can be a handful, I genuinely do like the job. It's honestly had me reflecting on how much I prioritize meaningful service in my life & how I might be able to prioritze it more. This is probably more philisophical than I want the journal entries to get- but I've been thinking about Jessica Reznicek, a catholic worker & water protector. I heard her story for the first time in a podcast ep (linked here) and how much more I could be doing. I've already been very inspired by liberation theology & wanting to increase my limited knowledge of it, so the fact that catholic workers keep coming up seems to be a sign of some sort. I don't know. I'm already busy enough, but am I busy with the right things? Who knows? Anyways... I should go get ready. Godspeed & you'll hear from me soon enough.
June 18th, 2022
Finally have this site up and running. I'm much happier with the layout and aesthetic than I was with my previous attempt at a site. I decided to upload my two blog posts from my other site, so please ignore the references to site features that no longer exist.
I'm in New York at the moment, and it's been a very exciting time. I'm getting to experience a ton of things I've always wanted to do, but at the same time it's making me question what I'm doing with my life, especially my plans for the future and my choices in the past. I guess it was due time that I started asking these questions... I think for the past two years I've been essentially living in the shell of the girl I was and thought I wanted to be in high school, and now I'm trying to reckon with the person I *am*
It's a strange time to be alive. I don't really have more thoughts, so I guess that's it for this post!
May 6th, 2022
So guess who's got COVID? Two years into a global pandemic and a week from the end of the semester and I get it. It's pretty frustrating, I have to admit. But at the same time what can you do? That's what I keep telling myself at least. Now I'm stuck in a room for 5 days with someone I don't know. Fun!
This could be the plot of my fanfic if she didn't have a boyfriend :/
She's not really my type though. What is my type you may ask? Hmmm... I'm not sure. I know of certain people **cough**cough** who are my type, but that doesn't mean I really know what my "type" is.
Speaking of "types", have you ever fallen in an endless unrequited crush? For me, it seems like that's the only sort of 'relationships' I get into. Giving my everything to someone I'm hopelessly devoted to, but never being loved back. Even when they love me as their friend and show that they care- it still isn't enough. I know it's a little codependent (as I've had some cruelly point out to me) but there's something about it that's addictive. It's safer, in a way, to never ask for anything more so you don't have to face the fear of rejection.
My friend (who this post may or may not be about) reminded me of music for "people who want to have sex without knowing how sex works". You know that kind of music that made you feel something indescribable as a preteen? Not necessarily 'Horny' Music, but something ineffable that's about the discovery of the linkages between humans that you've never felt before. The music that makes other people feel like hugging trees and fingers in the dirt and how your always too chubby hands seem to fit so neatly into the curves of your barbie doll's body. That kinda music. Sometimes I still feel like what that music makes you feel. That sort of nascent all consuming passion.
I'm a full grown lesbian in college, yet sometimes I still feel like I'm on the verge of a "friendship breakup" with my bestfriend in middleschool. Like I still dont know what I want her to mean to me. Do I know what I want them to mean to me?
And if I did, would I even know how to ask for it?
But maybe that's just the covid brainfog talking... I think I'm gonna drink some gatorade and code this site up a bit more. Let me know what you think if the new chatbox works. <3
P.S. the playlist this time is sort of random and mainly just what I'm in the mood for while coding. The song my friend mentioned though, that portions of this post are about, is "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw, which is featured below.
May 2nd, 2022
Welcome to my very first blog post. Although I've coded out the framework of this site, I'm struggling to actually come up with content for it. In some ways I want to use this site just as a little journal space, especially as I'm trying to quit most social media and I need somewhere for my little thoughts to go.
I need to write my internet manifesto on why small sites and why I'm anti-social media, but again that's a lot of work. However, I'm coming up on the end of the semester so I should have some more time once it officially ends.
I guess I could go into what else I want to put on this site. I'd like to have a witchy section on this site and talk about my spiritual experiences, however I'm pretty shy about talking about that stuff, so it might be hard to write about it.
Additionally, I might change the theme here as well, as the pink seems a little tacky, but I also like the apples and the apple buttons that I custom made.
I'd say comment down below what you think, but alas I haven't figured out how to add a comment box yet. Perhaps next time.
See you soon friends,